The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize