I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
