He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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