FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
