: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
