If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
