I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
