Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize