I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
