Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
