Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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