Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
