She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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