So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
