I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize