Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
