Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
