First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
