this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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