I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
vagina is talking i cant
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
