Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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