She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
