theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
