would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
