Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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