I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize