Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
