My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
