You just made me feel so damn special
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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