do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
