I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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