I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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