It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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