He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
