do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
