I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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