i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
