I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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