I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
