No stitches, just platelets and will power
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize