Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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