My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's Friday. Sex?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
