shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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