No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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