I think I died a long time ago.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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