I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I will be naked everywhere
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
