Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
