dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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