My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize