I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
