what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
