Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
