i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
