i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
