Where is the hickey?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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