you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You pole danced in your parka.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
