I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
