why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
