I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize