First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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