Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize