I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
