Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my phone needs a breathalizer
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
