I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
