This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I will pee on everything he values.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
