Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize