The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
