i was born a porn star she said
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
