it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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