all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
