omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
