how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
