whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
