I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
