Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
