We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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