"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
