Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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