i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
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