So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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