Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
