Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think my vagina is haunted
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
