I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
