trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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