life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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