I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
