The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
