R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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