Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize