I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
