By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
