is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize