Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
