i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
