Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
