She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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