I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
