Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
