You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
