I think my fart just growled at me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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