there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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