At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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