I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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