Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
