Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
