I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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