Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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