Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
