Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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