I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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